


Hurry, and lie

by unnoticedkohai



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28379049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unnoticedkohai/pseuds/unnoticedkohai
Summary: An analysis into how Hajime's thoughts and feelings for Nagito changed since the first trial. This takes place during the third chapter's despair disease, in which Hajime will realize that Nagito is lying when he tells him to leave him.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 4
Kudos: 89





	Hurry, and lie

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot was inspired by the song 'ilomilo' by Billie Eilish. I thought the lyrics fit Hajime and Nagito really well.
> 
> _"Told you not to worry, but maybe that's a lie  
>  Honey, what's your hurry? Won't you stay inside?  
> Remember not to get too close to stars; they're never gonna give you love like ours  
> I tried not to upset you; let you rescue me the day I met you  
> I just wanted to protect you, but now I'll never get to_
> 
> _Hurry, I'm worried._
> 
> _The friends I've had to bury, they keep me up at night  
>  Said I couldn't love someone, 'cause I might break  
> If you're gonna die, not by mistake  
> So, where did you go? I should know, but it's cold  
> And I don't wanna be lonely; so tell me you'll come home_
> 
> _Even if it's just a lie."_   
> 

"Nagito is in his patient room. Please hurry and see how he's doing." Mikan said softly, concern glistening in her teary violet gaze.

Hajime couldn't understand her worry over a person like Nagito. He had done countless things to hurt them, intricate plans of murder and manipulation. But, he thought, she must have a pure heart of a nurse full of the desire to help others regardless of character.

... No, that wasn't right.

_I'm worried, too._

Hajime coughed, trying to hide the shock in his eyes at his own thoughts. Because, even if it was only a tiny voice in the back of his mind, he couldn't deny that he _was_ worried. Nagito in critical condition, unconscious, possibly not making it through the night...

 _We're better off without a guy like him anyway,_ he thought. But why didn't he believe it? Why didn't he believe what he so desperately wanted to?

Something from the day they met. The day Hajime first opened his eyes in this mysterious island, confused and lost in waves of uncertainty and fear and yet calmed by a soothing, soft voice.

_'Hey.'_

Hajime was strangely soothed by Nagito's voice and his staring gaze, the sunlight shining over his pale skin and illuminating his features - the almost innocent white of his hair and the soft pink of his lips... even the strangely calming green of his jacket, falling over him and enveloping him like a cloud. A peaceful, reassuring cloud, that had followed him that day.

Up until the 'party', Hajime had felt that he could trust Nagito. He felt that this was a friend he could rely on, a presence so calming and a smile so endearing and enchanting. Hajime would never admit it, but he wasn't sure he would have gotten through the first few days on this island without Nagito's comforting presence. He had been in a panic, a much stronger panic than the rest of his classmates to the point of affecting his thinking and functioning. But whenever he saw Nagito, he felt that he could breathe again.

_'You're scaring me.'_

Hajime remembered those words leaving his mouth in the first trial. He remembered the dread he felt coursing through his veins like harsh waves, drops of fear and denial and _no, it can't be true._ The only person - _the last person he would have doubted on this island_ \- was transforming into something sick and deranged and _twisted_. His calming presence... now making his heart drop and twist in a way it had yet to. The haunting echo of his laughter and the intense darkness revealing itself in his once beautiful eyes.

_No, they were still beautiful._

Hajime hated himself for thinking that. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind, wanting them to disappear forever. Wanting to be heartless and hateful towards Nagito just like everyone else. _Just like he should._

Taking a deep breath, Hajime opened the door to Nagito's hospital room, giving Mikan an awkward smile as she thanked him and entered before him. He shook his head, following her inside.

"Nagito! Can you hear me? Hajime came by to see how you were doing!" She said, Nagito barely managing to sit up on the bed.

He looked... _different_. Contrary to his initial soothing aura and contrary to his true demeaning aura... the one when Hajime stared at times Nagito thought no one was looking - downcast gaze and calculating expression, lips drawn downwards in anything but a smile. It didn't matter at what point Hajime thought of him - _he had always seemed strong._

But now, he seemed... so _fragile_. Maybe it was just the pale blue hospital gown he wore that created that picture. Maybe it was the even ghostlier complexion of his skin. Maybe it was the loss of darkness in his eyes. Replaced now by a lost searching.

_'I feel so great today. This despair disease is amazing.'_

Mikan had explained the supposed 'despair disease' clearly to Hajime so that he could understand. Nagito was... _lying._

Well, in the medical sense. Because in the literal sense, in any normal circumstance, Hajime wasn't sure when, or _if_ , he could ever trust whatever words came out of Nagito's mouth. _How could he have fooled me so good? How could he have had me wrapped around his fingers so easily? How could I have caught feelings?_

Hajime stopped himself, shaking his head. _No. I don't, I have_ never, _had any feelings for Nagito._

But even with these confusing feelings he knew that wasn't true.

He was bitter. _Angry_ that he had been so naive in trusting Nagito so easily. That even now, he was worried about this boy who caused Byakuya's death and bestowed what else despair on his friends.

Sitting up on the hospital bed, Nagito spewed nonsense about Ibuki, clearly delusional from his disease. _At least he is no longer in critical condition. At least he made it through the night,_ Hajime thought.

Mikan left the room to get some sleep. Hajime thought, _what would have become of Nagito if there wasn't an ultimate nurse among the group? Would he have perished in the night?_

Good riddance _(it would not have been.)_

Hajime wondered why Nagito had taken the disease so badly, worse in condition than Ibuki or Akane. _There was no way he was already sick, right?_

Well... he thought, maybe not medically, but Hajime was sure Nagito wasn't well in his mind and thoughts. The things he said so casually, as if he believed them no doubt to be true...

_'I don't mind if you kill me. Use me as a steppingstone. I'm worthless. Trash.'_

How could someone talk about themselves like that? Sometimes, Hajime thought this, and he felt bad. But when he remembered all the horrible things Nagito did, _caused_ , he quickly forgot everything else.

"All alone with Hajime, huh... I can't stand being in the same room as you."

Nagito's voice pulled Hajime from his thoughts, and he blinked, brows furrowing in initial annoyance.

"Fine -"

He stopped in his steps.

"Y..." He turned, slowly, eyeing Nagito. "You're lying, right?"

It was strange, because he could never figure Nagito out... but now, he was certain. What he had truly meant; was _I like being with you._

Nagito's face was covered in sweat, eyes dizzy and unfocused. He said, "No. Hurry up and go away. I don't want to see your face anymore."

_(Hurry and stay. I want you to see you.)_

"I know you're lying." Hajime mumbled, frowning and trying to keep his voice strong and yet faltering. "For once, I know for certain that you are not telling me the truth."

"..."

Nagito said nothing, his gaze distant. 

Hajime tried to ignore his heart, his heart that was beating a little faster at the words Nagito had just said. _He likes being with me, and he wants me to stay?_

"Just... get more rest." Hajime said, taking a few steps towards Nagito. "And lay back down. You're not in any shape to be up." He gently placed his hands on Nagito's shoulders and ushered him to lay back down.

"No. I am feeling better." Nagito said.

_(I'm hurting.)_

Hajime frowned. He stared at the sweat that rolled down Nagito's cheek, his hair sticking to his forehead. The way his eyes struggled to stay open, wanting to close, wanting to sleep. The slight shiver of his body.

Hajime thought, _is he afraid that he will die? Is that why he wants me to stay with him?_

And yet... Nagito always urged everyone to kill him, acted like he didn't fear death. But, Hajime supposed... maybe he wasn't all that he seemed to be.

"I won't leave. So don't worry." Hajime said.

He wasn't sure why he said that. _Why should he care about Nagito? Was Nagito actually scared, or had he misinterpreted him?_ But... staring into his eyes, full of colorless depth and fear, Hajime became a bit surer of himself.

"I'm not worried. Get away from me, don't touch me." Nagito said, trying to push Hajime away.

"Just-" The two of them engaged in a bit of a battle, Hajime trying to get him to _lay the fuck down_ and Nagito trying to push him away. It was futile, because Nagito quickly exhausted the little strength that he had.

Hajime sighed, breathing a little faster from the 'fight' he had just engaged in. _The lying disease... did it affect Nagito's actions as well? Was he doing the opposite of what he wanted?_ Hajime thought this must be the case.

Once Nagito's back hit the bed, his eyes slowly fluttered close, against little resistance. Hajime stared, and couldn't help the small smile that soon adorned his own features.

It was early morning. The sky was very lightly blue, and Hajime stared at it through the window, sitting on a chair in front of Nagito's hospital bed. Watched the gentle clouds change form and leave him. Just like Nagito had done, not too long ago...

New clouds soon formed and replaced them. Hajime's feelings, that never quite went away, as much as he wanted them to...

Watching the happily hued sky change and hearing the birds chirping, made Hajime very sleepy. With small nods and prolonged blinks, he soon allowed his body to fall over on the bed. With his arms crossed over the blanket's silhouette of Nagito's legs, and his face resting slightly on his arms, Hajime began to fall into a sleep.

"...Hajime?"

Nagito's soft voice pulled Hajime from his drifting consciousness. Not sure if he had truly heard it, Hajime slowly opened his eyes, turning his head slightly to look at Nagito. He found him staring.

"I don't appreciate you staying with me." Hajime watched the words as Nagito's lips moved sluggishly to form them. His eyes were tired and yet puzzlingly sincere.

All of his defenses were gone; the disease had stripped it away. Hajime could tell, from the weakness in his voice and the fragility in his movements. But mostly, he could tell... from his _aura_. Because it was just like the first day they had met. _Strangely soothing..._

"You're welcome." Hajime said softly.

He would never admit it, but ever since the first trial... Hajime had been plagued by an unexplainable loneliness. Like the person who he had once trusted, the person who had once comforted and stayed with him, left him in the worst way.

Well, maybe not the worst way. That would be... - _Hajime didn't want to think about it._ Whether it was by mistake, or not.

A cold touch on his hand. Nagito had placed his hand over Hajime's.

Hajime flinched, a bit surprised, but too sleepy to react fully. Nagito's hand was incredibly cold - well, colder than usual, because Nagito had always been a cold person. And yet somehow, Hajime felt warmer now, than he had in a long time.

Hands loosely intertwined, sharing their warmth and presence with the luminescent sky... the two slept.

Hajime hadn't been able to sleep this well in many moons, constantly worried of being the next victim or losing another life. Constantly thinking about how lonely and cold he was. But none of that was present on this strange morning.

_Even if this was all a lie._


End file.
